


Like Real People Do

by rawrimmapanda



Category: Hockey RPF
Genre: Buffalo Sabres, Coming Out, Internalized Homophobia, M/M, Masturbation, Pining, Slow Build
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-02-09
Updated: 2017-11-16
Packaged: 2018-09-23 03:56:10
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 7
Words: 7,700
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/9639755
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/rawrimmapanda/pseuds/rawrimmapanda
Summary: “Did you see that? Wasn’t that pretty awesome?”“Do you even hear yourself sometimes?”Sam wondered if Jack even knew how to be slightly humble. It was slightly endearing actually.This was beginning to be problematic.





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> This might have some homophobic language throughout to fit some of the internalized thought processes. There is none in the first chapter, but be warned it might pop up in future chapters. Not beta'd so if there are mistakes, my apologies!

_“So I will not ask you where you came from_  
_I would not ask and neither should you_  
_Honey just put your sweet lips on my lips_ _  
_ We should just kiss like real people do”

***

“If you can get the pass to me as I’m coming in from this angle, I’d have a better shot against the defender. He’s about three seconds slower than I am tonight.”

Jack’s eyes were glinting like a madman and his cheeks were blushed red from the last rush. He was excited to get back out there after the timeout and all Sam could do was stare like an idiot. Sam quickly nodded and hoped that he could wing a pass good enough.

The buzzer sounded, indicating that the tv timeout was over and they both skated back out there for the faceoff. The play didn’t exactly go as Jack had planned, mainly because Jack decided that he was going to do everything himself instead.([ x ](https://streamable.com/6sqar))

Back on the bench Jack leaned into Sam, pressing his sweaty body against him. He smiled and laughed.

“Did you see that? Wasn’t that pretty awesome?”

“Do you even hear yourself sometimes?”

Sam wondered if Jack even knew how to be slightly humble. It was slightly endearing actually.

 

This was beginning to be problematic.

 

***

 

Later that night when they were back home, Sam could hear Jack moving around the kitchen slamming the cupboard doors. If he was closer to the kitchen, he could probably hear him muttering curses. The losses hit Jack the hardest on the team because he isn’t used to losing. Sam hates seeing this, so he tends to just hide so he doesn’t make the wrong move. Tonight he feels braver than in the past so he slowly creeps into the kitchen.

“Want to play something on the Xbox?”

Jack turned and looked at him, a small smile starting to form on his lips.

“Yeah, that’d be nice.”

Jack turned and grabbed some snacks while Sam went to set up the rec room for them to play a bit before they crashed.

“We’re out of those weird chips you like Sammy, you’re going to have to get some next time we’re over the border.”

Jack flops down next to him, spilling some Gatorade in the process.

“They’re not weird and I swear if you spill more of that on you, I’m not going to help you with your laundry!”

Sam thought back to the press conference from earlier in the season where he was asked if he would do Jack’s laundry and how he laughed it off.

“You make a terrible Alicia by the way. You don’t cook. You don’t clean. You don’t even do my laundry!”

Jack was finally laughing and that stupid smile of his was back, which was what Sam was hoping for with his laundry jabs. Even if it was a stupid comment about the laundry, he got to hear Jack’s laugh and it was perfect.

 

Again, this was getting very problematic because he was pretty sure Jack didn’t think he was even close to perfect.

 

***

 

The next morning at practice Sam has to be called out for not paying attention a few times by Gionta. There are a few chirps from the guys about him being distracted by a pretty girl on his mind and he’s just thinking to himself how close they are. The problem is that it’s not a girl and he’s on the ice with them. Sam knows that if he slips up and says anything, he’d get isolated from the locker room so fast. Well, not completely isolated, but isolated from everyone except Anders, but goalies are weird and he’s not sure if he wants to go down that route yet.

 

He just grins and throws a few chirps back at the boys and gets hard to work. Jack skates up to him, sensing something off with Sam.

“Want to grab some coffee after practice? My treat.”

Sam knows better than to agree, but for some reason he does anyway.

“Sure, but I’m not letting you get any doughnuts. We’re on a diet plan and you never share any of them. I don’t care if you swear you’re getting them for the apartment, I never see any of them.”  


***

“I can’t believe they were all out of doughnuts! What kind of coffee place is out of doughnuts? Did you pay them to tell me they were out?”

Sam couldn’t help but laugh at Jack going on about the doughnuts. He didn’t pay them to say that, but he now wishes that he did because this reaction was one for the ages.

“I didn’t pay them. We got there right after breakfast ended. It’s possible that everyone in Buffalo wanted a doughnut and got one. You are always so dramatic.”

“Hey! Fuck you! I’m a delight.” Jack’s eyes sparkled and he grinned as he flipped Sam off as he said that.

He was right, Jack was a delight. He was Sam’s private delight in his own head. He just wished he could share it with the world and with Jack.

“Hey Eichs, I’m going to head to my room to nap for a bit. Make sure I’m up in time for the party?”

“I’ll be the best alarm clock in the world!” Jack could never tame the sass if he tried. One of the many things that Sam found endearing for some reason.

 

***

Sam collapsed on his bed and his mind started to race. He was thinking about all of the things that could go wrong with coming out. He knew the risks and he knew he had some compromising photos on his instagram. He also knew Jack like to joke around. The marriage proposal picture and comment still stings to this day. Sam aches for that to be real, but Jack loves his attention and sass and the type of attention that this would bring would be terrible. Plus, the locker room wouldn’t be welcoming. Sam’s been in locker rooms his entire life. He’s heard what people say and the comments they make. What if those comments are about him? What if they can tell? If he comes out, all that it would do is confirm that those nasty comments were about him and he was shit at hiding all those years.

 

All of this was overwhelming to think about. He wasn’t planning on napping, but ended up passing out anyway. He had a fitful sleep that was rudely awoken by Jack jumping on the bed like a toddler.

“Pony time! Let’s go!”

Well, that settles it. Time to get up.

  
  
  
  



	2. Chapter 2

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Love. That’s such a strong word. Maybe lust was the right word. Maybe he was in love with the idea of being in love with Jack. Maybe it was just all a fantasy and one day he’ll wake up and remember it can’t be real because Jack is straight and they’re both in the NHL and this sort of thing is frowned upon.

Sam isn’t quite sure how he convinced Jack that going to Okie’s daughter's birthday party was a good idea, but he managed to pull it off and he really wasn’t complaining. Well, he wasn’t complaining until he realized he had to drive because Jack decided to smoke a joint while Sam got ready and didn’t even think to ask if Sam would want to join in. People online talk about how much of a diva Jack seems to be, but they really have no idea how true it could be at times. A little humility would go a long way, but for some reason Sam was falling in love with him. 

Love. That’s such a strong word. Maybe lust was the right word. Maybe he was in love with the idea of being in love with Jack. Maybe it was just all a fantasy and one day he’ll wake up and remember it can’t be real because Jack is straight and they’re both in the NHL and this sort of thing is frowned upon. 

***

“You didn’t even think to ask me if I wanted any? For once could you think of anyone but yourself?”

“Well you’re always so pure and innocent I didn’t fucking know. Are we going to argue about this or are we going to go look at some horses?”

Sam knew it wasn’t worth ruining the high that Jack had and deep down, he really just wanted to see the ponies. He also didn’t want to let on to the rest of the team that the bromance that him and Jack had wasn’t as perfect as the rest of the team thought it was, though Caber knew and if he knew, so did Risto. 

“You look deep in thought over there Sammy. The horses can’t be worth pondering that much.” Jack smirked from the passenger seat, a little too insightful for someone who was high as a kite. 

“It’s nothing. You’re just imagining things.” Sam figured that since Jack was high, he couldn’t possibly remember this later. 

“I’m not imagining you lying to me, but whatever, party time.”

***

“Uncle Sammy! Look at me! I’m a pretty princess.” 

“Nuh-uh, I’m a pretty princess! Uncle Sammy, tell her I’m the pretty princess!”

Sam was overwhelmed by all the kids, but loved that his teammates kids looked up at him like he was family. 

“You’re both pretty princesses. You can be from different castles and rule over both of them however you want. How about you go find your mommy and daddy though?”

Being around all the kids always made him happy and wishful. Adopting a kid or two was something he wanted to do after he retired and was able to come out of the closet. He figured he’d find the perfect guy, someone who didn’t mind that he had to hide for most of his life, settle down, and then start a family. Until then, he’d spoil his teammates kids like they were his own. His family made fun of him and called him the “manny”, but he didn’t care. Being with the kids made him happy. 

“Come on princess wrangler, let’s go ride a pony.” 

Jack smirked from around the corner. Sam had no idea how long Jack had been watching him.

***

They weren’t ponies so much as they were miniature horses, but they were still fun to ride. Sam had Okie snap a picture so that he could post it on his Instagram. He was pretty sure Jack still looked high, but pretty much every picture Sam has seen of Jack he looks high in it, so it didn’t matter. After the pony ride, there was some cake and ice cream and the boys took off. McCabe and Risto had mentioned meeting up to go out for some drinks and Jack wanted to try and pick up. Sam hated going out on those nights, but being with the other two guys might take the sting out of things tonight. Usually when he’s out with them, they don’t try and pick up for some reason. 

Come to think about it, he can’t remember a time he’s seen either of them pick up. Risto dresses really well, but usually pulls the “I can’t speak English very well” line. McCabe could if he ever tried, but he never tries. It’s one of those mysteries that Sam will never understand. Just like that time Risto said something to Crosby that made him want to fight. Sam doesn’t know what was said and Risto refuses to tell anyone. 

“Do you want to stop back home to change or do you want to go to the club like that?” 

Sam figured Jack wanted to look good and not smell like a horse when going to the bar. 

“Yeah, that’s a good idea. I might also jump in the shower real fast. I stink like a farm and kids.”

Sam figured he could at least change and look like he belonged in a club. When they got back to the apartment Jack ran up to his room and hopped into the shower while Sam quickly got ready. McCabe sent them a text asking if they wanted to ride together or take separate cars. 

“Hey, Caber wants to know if you want to ride together or take our own cars? I’m thinking it’s easier to just go together so when we cross the border we don’t have issues”

Sam could hear Jack padding around his bathroom getting ready.

“One car sounds good. If I pick up, I can grab a hotel room or call for a car.”

Sam sent off a quick response letting McCabe know that one car would be fine and to let them know when they’re on the way so they can be ready. He got a response letting him know that they’d be around in 20 minutes, which he knew wouldn’t be long enough for the diva. 

“You’ve got 20 minutes before they’re here. Give it up, those curls aren’t going to get better.”

“Fuck you” Jack yelled from his room. 

Sam smiled because he knew that’s exactly what Jack was trying to sort out. 

***

The club was loud and the lights were starting to give Sam a headache. He had lost McCabe and Risto ages ago and had resorted to just sitting in the booth nursing his drink. Jack was also nowhere to be found, most likely trying to flirt his way into the panties of some girl. As he sipped his drink, he thought he spotted McCabe and Risto dancing together pretty closely in the corner, but he was pretty buzzed so he could be seeing things. If his eyes weren’t fooling him, it would explain a lot, but it was unlikely. 

“Hey Sammy! You’ll find this funny!” Jack was flushed and had a small brunette in tow. 

“Sam, meet Sam. Her name is Samantha but she goes by Sam, just like you!” 

She was pretty and had soft brown hair, not the usual blondes that Jack went for, but hearing her name made Sam’s heart sink. He wished it was him being called and dragged around by the hand by Jack. 

“Well, we’re going to head out. Tell the other two that I’ll find my own way back.” Jack smiled and Sam was pretty sure he saw Jack wink. 

“Yeah, sure. Have fun dude.”

Sam walked up to the bar and ordered a shot of rum and downed it without thinking. 

“You need to tell him how you feel instead of destroying yourself every time we go out.” Sam looked over and saw the tall Finn standing there leaning against the bar.  
“I have no idea what you’re talking about dude. Can you let Caber know I’m ready to go when you are? I’m starting to get a headache.” 

Risto nodded and went off to find McCabe. They rode back to Buffalo in silence and Sam was worried that they were mad he ended the night early. 

“Sorry for wanting to leave. My head is starting to bother me.”

“It’s cool. We don’t go out much, so it was cool to get out for a bit.” McCabe was always so cool about everything, so this was was no different. 

***

When Sam got home, he slammed the door behind him and just asked the empty apartment one simple question. 

“Is it that obvious?”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sorry this is a bit more angsty than I am aiming for. I'm also not sure how much of the McCabe/Risto thing I wanted to add. It just sort of worked itself into there and is developing on its own. I might do a side story for them because I like the idea of them. 
> 
>  
> 
> [ tumblr ](https://pandasandsabres.tumblr.com/)  
> 


	3. Chapter 3

Sam kicked his shoes off and walked over to the pantry looking for some chips. He figured that he’d eat his feelings away, even though he knew better. As he opened the door to the pantry, he remembered that Jack said he was out of chips which would be his luck tonight. He settled for some fruit snacks instead, which weren’t even close to satisfying for a depression food. 

He walked into the living room and flipped the tv on, letting the mindless noise of some infomercials wash over him. Sam thought back to the club and the girl that Jack was spending the night with. She was pretty in a soft and classic way. Not the typical bombshell that Jack would go for when going out to the club to pick up. Sam wasn’t sure why he was thinking of her, but sharing a name with her hurt more than the other girls. Maybe Risto was onto something and he should talk to Jack. For now, it was time for some sleep. He’d deal with some of these feelings in the morning. 

***

“Wake up princess! We have practice this afternoon and the guys want to get lunch afterwards.” Sam heard the blinds open in his room and felt the heat of the sun on his eyes. He didn’t think he drank that much the night before, but Jack was a lot to deal with on a normal morning, even more so when he’s hungover. 

“When did you get home? I thought you were spending the night with that girl.”

Sam winced at the sun streaming through his window but knew that Jack was right about him having to get up. His head was killing him and getting some food would probably help him feel better before practice. He climbed out of bed and threw on a sweatshirt and walked out to the kitchen. 

“I got home this morning but you wouldn’t know since you were sleeping like the dead. Did you finally pick up last night?”

Ah yes, the never ending question from Jack finally came back up. He was always pushing for Sam to pick up while they are out at the bars. If Sam told him the truth, at least that question would go away. 

“Nah, no luck last night. I ended up coming home and just passing out.” 

***  
Practice went as it normally did but Sam did his best to avoid eye contact with Risto and McCabe after how last night went. He didn’t want to face questions from either of them. It was easy enough since rarely did they work together during practice. The power play was pretty much figured out by this point in the season so there wasn’t much to do and Sam rarely killed penalties so he just stuck with the forwards. Avoiding Jack was much harder to do since they were linemates and coach wanted them to develop better chemistry with Moose. He figured he’d suffer through practice and really, it wasn’t much different from any other practice with Jack. 

When they got back in the locker room he passed by the goalies and he got an idea. 

“Hey Nils, can I talk to you after we shower?” Sam figured he could talk to him in a hypothetical way and be safe. He seemed to be the safest person to talk to about what he was going through. 

“Yeah I don’t have any plans. Is everything ok?” Nilsson looked concerned since Sam usually didn’t reach out to him to talk. 

“Everything is ok, I just wanted to run something by you. It has to do with a defensive play.”

Sam quickly showered and told Jack to drive home by himself and let him know that he’d find a way home. He didn’t want Jack around for this conversation and it shouldn’t be hard to get a ride home. 

***

Nilsson was waiting for him in the locker room still looking a bit concerned. He looked up at Sam when he entered the room. 

“This isn’t about a defensive play is it?”

Sam looked at the Swede as he stroked his beard. 

“I mean, in a way it is, but not in a hockey sense.” Sam started to panic a little, trying to figure out how he was going to phrase what he’d say next. He sat down next to the goaltender. 

“I have a friend back home in juniors who is gay. He has a huge crush on a teammate but doesn’t know what to do.”

Nilsson looks fondly at Sam, like he sees right through the lie, but nods gently. 

“So you’re looking for some advice as to what to tell him?”

Sam half smiled and nodded. He figured that was the safest route to take with this conversation because he did need advice. 

“He’s not out because he’s afraid of what it could do to his career and what his teammates would think.”  
The goaltender looked down, a small smile forming on his face. 

“Well, the best thing for him to do is tell his team because I’m sure they’ll support him regardless. He should also reach out to You Can Play to ask for some help with protecting his career. I also think you should give him my number. He can talk to me anytime. I’m willing to listen.”

Sam looked up, trying not to cry because he knew that Nils figured it out. He hugged the goaltender quickly. 

“Thank you. This means a lot.”

“Anytime. You’ll have support.”

Sam grabbed his things and said his goodbyes. He looked down at his phone and saw a string of texts from Jack bitching about not having food in the house. All of a sudden he runs into a brick wall of a human. 

“Where did you come from?” Sam looks up at Risto as his phone drops to the floor. 

“I was looking at some new sticks.” Sam realizes quickly that the equipment room is right next to the locker room, meaning Risto heard the entire conversation with Nils. 

“You’re not alone you know that right?” Yep, he heard the whole conversation. Sam quickly picks up his phone and glances up at the Finn. 

“That, uh, wasn’t about me. It was about a friend.” He figures if he goes with his lie, it’ll be easier. 

“You’re full of shit. I see how you look at him and I get it because I had someone like that. Come on, I’ll give you a ride home.” 

Sam’s mouth dropped open and he quickly shut it. He was shocked because he was pretty sure Risto just came out to him. He grabbed his things and followed the Finn to his car. The ride home was pretty quiet, which Sam was thankful for. 

“Thanks for the ride. I’ll see you tomorrow.”

He climbed out of the car and went inside. As soon as he got inside he was blasted with loud music. He waved at Jack as he walked to his room. He tossed his things in the corner of his bedroom and collapsed on his bed. Just as he plugged his phone in, Jack leaned into the doorway. 

“Hey, I’m going to head out with that girl tonight. You’re on your own for dinner. That cool?”

He had been through a rough day so a night to himself seemed to be a good idea. 

“Yeah, that’s cool. Have fun and don’t forget we have a game tomorrow!” 

Jack smiled and left the doorway. Sam could hear him getting ready and then the main door opened and shut. He figured this was a good time to get some dinner so he went out to the kitchen and ruffled through the take out menus. He settled on some BBQ and got some ribs and corn on the cob. He knew that Jack would be jealous, but since he wasn’t here, it was worth it. As he waited for his food, he thought about what Nilsson said about contacting You Can Play. It wasn’t a bad idea and his agent could probably give him a contact number.

The rest of the night was spent watching tv. Sam heard Jack come home around 10pm he wasn’t alone. The moment he heard the giggling, Sam darted to his bedroom and shut the door. He could hear them go into Jack’s bedroom and all of a sudden Sam heard a slam against the wall. 

Instantly he was reminded of all the times Jack slammed into him during a goal celly and started to imagine Jack slamming him against the wall. Sam could feel himself getting hard and knew that listening to Jack fuck that girl in the room next to him wasn’t going to help. He reached down and pulls his cock out of his shorts started to stroke it, squeezing the head a little as the precome was leaking out. He could hear her moaning as Jack continued to slam her against the wall and all Sam could think of was how he wished it was him instead. The faster the slams against the wall, the faster Sam stroked himself. All of a sudden the slams stopped and Sam could hear Jack moaning. The sounds were getting wetter and wetter. Sam kept stroking his cock, the precome slicking it up. The noises from the other side of the wall were getting louder and louder and then he hears Jack go “Oh Sam, let me come on your face.” Right then, Sam comes all over his stomach, messing up his shirt. 

“Fuck” This was a problem. This was 100% a problem. 

He quickly removed his shirt, balled it up, and tossed it in the laundry. He’d deal with it tomorrow. He went into the bathroom, cleaned up, and changed into some new clothes. As he drifted off to sleep, he heard the two in the other room cleaning up as well. He wasn’t sure if she was spending the night and he didn’t care. All he cared about was that she would be gone when he woke up. 

Thankfully, she was.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> An update! Thanks to the thirst squad for the cheerleading through this chapter. I also made a playlist to go with the fic. Feel free to listen while you read. Some of the songs go with future chapters that I have outlined but not quite written yet. The rating also went up since we moved into explicit territory. 
> 
> [tumblr](https://pandasandsabres.tumblr.com/) [playlist](https://open.spotify.com/user/122048146/playlist/3ZNSTxHFUJ1rHC4S75IX8w)


	4. Chapter 4

Sam grabbed the leftover ribs from the fridge and tossed them in the microwave. While they were heating up he briefly thought about the merits of eating the food on his diet plan, especially on a game day, but decided that it wasn’t worth it for the conversation he was probably going to have in about 20 minutes. Ribs seemed to be the best option to prepare him for that instead so that’s what he was going to go with. He also still had a laundry problem to deal with in his room and he wasn’t sure how to go about that without raising questions from Jack. Usually Jack makes a comment about him doing the laundry for both of them and it was hard to make a joke about it this time around. The microwave beeped, signaling that the ribs were ready so Sam grabbed his questionable breakfast and headed to the bar in the kitchen and sat down.

As he was finishing up the ribs, Jack walked out of his bedroom, looking like the cat who caught the canary.

“I heard you brought someone home last night. She still in there?” 

Sam laughed a little since this was normal for the two of them. He figured he’d shoot for normal.  
“Nah, she left earlier. She had to go to work but she’s coming to the game tonight.” 

Sam was a bit taken aback by that one. Jack had never had one of his girls come to a game before, so this was new.

“Oh? You actually slept with a fan for once. Good on you for making a dream come true.” 

Jack smiled at Sam, getting fond in the eyes.

“No, I invited her. She’s not a huge hockey fan. I really like this one.” 

Sam hoped he didn’t look as heartbroken as he felt in that moment.

“Good for you dude. Can’t wait to meet her.”

Sam grabbed his plate and tossed it in the sink and went to his bedroom. He figured right now was the perfect time to deal with his laundry because that hard conversation wasn’t going to happen ever. He gathered up the mess of clothes and hauled the basket to the washer, ignoring Jack. He dumped the whole thing into washer knowing that if his mother saw him right now, she’d smack him upside the head. Frankly, he didn’t give a damn.

***

As he was finished getting ready, he heard a knock on the door. He could hear some pacing on the other side as if Jack was afraid that he wouldn’t answer.  
“Yeah?” 

Sam needed to shoot for normal and if there was something he was good at, it was pretending to be normal and fitting in. After all, that’s what he’s done his whole life.

“I’m about to leave for the rink, want to ride with me or do you want to drive yourself?” 

Jack asked through the closed door. Sam opened the door, ready to go.

“Let’s go.”

Sam teased Jack during the morning skate for bringing a hot date to the game tonight. The other guys jumped in, asking about her trying to get more information. The only person that didn’t jump in was Risto. He was eyeing Sam instead, like he was trying to figure out what Sam was trying to do.

“Well her name is Sam and she has long dark brown hair. She’s super pretty. Hold up, I have a pic of us from last night.”

Jack could be overheard across the locker room where he was holding court with some of the guys. Sam felt someone sit down next to him and at this point he knew exactly who it was.

“You scare me when you sneak up on me like this dude.”

Risto laughed at Sam and then looked at him carefully.

“That’s part of the fun but are you ok with this?”

Sam turned to look at him and then quickly rolled his eyes.

“Yeah, why wouldn’t I be? It’s his first real girlfriend. I’ll have endless material to chirp him with.”

Risto clapped him on the shoulder and got up to go over to chirp Jack. He flashed a smile at Sam before leaving, knowing to not push the issue further.

The ride home after the morning skate was pretty quiet except for the sounds of morning talk radio. Sam reached over and turned the radio down.

“I’m happy for you dude.”

Sam wanted Jack to be happy and he did look happy, so this much was true.

“That means a lot. You’ll really like her.”

He reached over and turned the radio back up.

***

The game that night was a win over the Flyers and Sam had three points, including an awesome goal. He figured if he couldn’t have Jack, he’d focus all his pent up energy into his game and it paid off. When they got back into the locker room after the game, spirits were high and there was talk of a playoff push and drinks after the game. He checked his phone and there were texts from his brothers about his game and how he finally was scoring and not letting Jack get in his way. He thought to himself about how little did they know.

“Hey Sammy, come here! I want you to properly meet someone.”

Sam turned around when he heard Jack and he was leading around a girl that was pretty much his female doppelganger. He reached out to shake her hand and she looked up and smiled at him. He could tell that she noticed the same thing he did.

“It’s very nice to meet you. I’m Samson, but you can call me Sam. I don’t care for it but no one seems to listen to me around here.”

She laughed at that and continued to smile at him.

“Well then Samson, my name is Samantha and I go by Sam but I think I’ll go by Samantha for you.”

Sam laughed at her. Jack was right, she was nice and if anything, it was good that someone was calling him his proper name for once.

“Well, we have plans for dinner. I’ll catch you at home Samson.”

Jack stressed his name just to prove a point like the ass he was. Sam waved good bye to the two of them and responded to his text messages and decided that he’d just shower when he got home. He had a lot to think about and it’s easier to think in the shower at home.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Updates are going to be faster since I have things outlined and plotted out for the next few chapters as to how they're going to go. Comments are very much welcomed ♥ 
> 
> [ tumblr ](https://pandasandsabres.tumblr.com/)


	5. Chapter 5

She was nice and that wasn’t sitting well with Sam. It was like looking into a mirror image of himself and what it would be like if he was a girl. The drive home was absolute torture and her smile was burned into his mind. When he got home he sent a text to the family group chat asking if they had time for a group Skype call. He needed advice and there was no way he could get what he needed without finally telling his family. 

It was time to grow a pair and tell his family the truth. 

He got back messages from Max and Griffin rather quickly with them worried about him. His mother was right behind them, mentioning that normally he’d just call them on a day off. Sam figured they had a point but he finally felt strong enough to do this and if he waited he wouldn’t do it. 

He grabbed the laptop and booted it up. While it was loading, he grabbed a glass of water. He heard the telltale sounds of a Skype call coming in and hit the accept button. 

“Hey mom, I didn’t mean to worry you. I just wanted to talk to you guys about something.” 

Sam smiled, hoping to reassure his mom that nothing was wrong. He fiddled on the keyboard a bit, adding his brothers to the call so he could get this over with. 

“What’s wrong Sammy? You never do this.” 

Max looked scared and confused. For all the times they’ve argued and fought growing up, they were still close and loved each other. 

Sam gulped down some water and then stared into the glass. He sighed, trying to think of how to phrase this. Now that he was about to do this for real, he was scared of what they’d think. 

“You know how I never had a girlfriend and I always said it was because I was focused on hockey? Well it wasn’t because of that.”

Sam looked back down at his glass of water, afraid to look at his brothers and mother. 

“Oh honey…” 

He could hear his mother’s soft voice pipe through the speakers on the laptop. 

“I’m gay.”

Saying those words felt freeing. He slowly looked at the screen in front of him and he saw his mom and Max smiling. Griffin had a look of fear crossing his face. 

“What happens if people find out?” 

Griffin’s voice cracked as he said those words. Words that had echoed in Sam’s head for the past few years of his life. 

Quickly their mom glossed over it and put those fears to rest. 

“We’ll deal with it. Sammy, hun, we love you and nothing has changed. If people find out we’ll deal with it the best we can. Right boys?” 

Sam saw Max and Griffin nod. He could hear grunts of agreement but he knew that there would be a family meeting next time they all could get together. 

As he was getting lost in his thoughts, he heard his mom’s voice pipe back through the speakers. 

“Are you being safe at least? I know there are apps and ways and I don’t want you being taken advantage of.”

Sam chuckled and thought about his Grindr profile. He was using a fake name and didn’t have his face on it. He never used it in the cities near Buffalo. 

“I think that’s my cue to leave. I don’t need to hear about my brother’s sex life.”

“Same. Text me later dude.”

He watched his brothers each flash peace signs as they closed out of the call. They had an agreement to not discuss those things and he was grateful for that. 

“Mom, I’m being safe. That’s all you need to know.” 

Sam looked at his mom, knowing her concern wasn’t going to go away. 

“Well it’s getting late Sammy. Make sure you call your dad and tell him. I’m not sure how he’s going to take it, but be careful.”

Sam hadn’t thought about how he was going to tell his dad yet. He wasn’t sure how it was going to go over, but he was hoping his dad would be as supportive. Locker rooms are rough and his dad has been around them forever. 

He said good night to his mom and closed down the laptop. He shot off a text to Jack reminding him to set the alarm when he got home and climbed into bed. 

His shower could wait until morning. He felt like a weight had been lifted and he was floating on a cloud. As soon as his head hit he pillow he passed out.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Shorter chapter, sorry! As always, comments are always welcomed.


	6. Chapter 6

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Sam finally does a thing.

When he woke up, he could smell the donuts in from the kitchen. Of course Jack couldn’t resist temptation and got some. It also meant that he went something early in the morning for some reason. Sam passed out pretty hard last night so he wasn’t sure when Jack got home or if he came home at all. He climbed out of bed and meandered to the kitchen.

“Donuts again? You’re going to destroy your diet plan at this rate.” Sam picked up a timbit and tossed it at Jack, halfheartedly trying to hit him in the face. 

“I’m not the one that sneaks BBQ when I’m home alone, so you have no room to talk.” Sam was glad the friendly banter was still there. Telling his family helped a lot. He knew he had to tell Jack one of these days, but he wasn’t sure how. Jack was still his best friend and he didn’t want to make things awkward. Like ripping off a band aid seemed to be the best way. If he had to, he would live in a hotel room again, or crash with Jake. 

“Are you going out with your girl again tonight or can we have a boys night?” Sam figured if he did it at home it would be the safest. 

“Nah, she has some college thing going on. Want to order take out tonight and play chel?” Jack looked excited for a night in and Sam figured it was the most normal thing for them to do. 

“Yeah that sounds good. I’m going to go do some stuff in the city today though, I’ll catch you later.”

 

***

Sam figured chinese takeout was the best bet, so he called in their regular order since Jack wasn’t home yet. Jack had texted him letting him know he’d be home in about 20 minutes. Sam figured he had time to relax a bit so he reached for his phone and noticed he had a few messages from Rasmus sitting there. 

>Jake and I are going out tonight. You down?  
>nvm Eichs told me you are doing a boys night in.   
>You should do it. 

Sam rolled his eyes at the messages. 

>I told my family last night. That was enough for an eternity. 

He saw the dots pop up where Rasmus was typing a response and they stopped. Then a quick response followed. 

>k

“That asshole just k’d me” Sam said to himself chuckling. He heard the door open and Jack throwing his keys in the dish by the door. 

“Don’t move too far from the door, our food is going to be here soon.” Sam yelled towards where he could hear Jack hanging up his jacket. 

“I thought you were paying you asshole.” Jack yelled back while answering the door to the rightfully frightened delivery boy. 

Jack paid for the food and carried into the living room, tossing the fortune cookies at Sam’s head as he walked into the room. 

“I’ll pay for our next meal dude.” Sam figured he could at least do that considering what is going to happen next. 

“So before we get into chel, I need to tell you something.” Sam’s uncertainty was starting to leak into his voice. 

“Is everything ok dude? You don’t sound ok right now.” Jack looked concerned whilst simultaneously stuffing ginger chicken into his face. 

“Yeah. I figured since I told my parents and you’re my best friend, I wanted you to know. I’m, uh, gay?” Sam didn’t mean for it to sound like a question, but now that the truth was out there, he couldn’t take it back.

“That’s cool dude. You didn’t have to tell me but I appreciate it. I won’t say anything of course. I know quite a few guys from NDTP that are bi, so it’s whatever.” Jack looked over at Sam and smiled. Sam seemed relieved to get it off his chest. 

“Chel time. I’m going to kick your ass.” Sam selects the Canucks on the screen and watches Jack pick the Bruins like the hometown boy he is. 

“Nah, it’s a repeat for me. You know how good the boys are to me.” Jack threw his balled up napkin at Sam as they started to play. 

While they were playing, Jack kept looking over at Sam with a look of confusion on his face. Eventually he lost the game and he had to look away. 

“I thought you were going to beat my ass?” Sam was gloating at this point. He never won at chel. 

“Yeah, sorry to disappoint you tonight. I, um, I’m going to head to bed.” Jack quickly tossed his leftovers in the trash and headed to bed. 

Sam was concerned that what he told him did change things between them. Sam grabbed a drink of water and figured he’d head up to his room as well. This emotional stuff was super draining on a person.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sorry this took a bit and is short. Life is too busy and my other writings come first (and even those have been a struggle tbh). 
> 
> [ tumblr ](https://scandella.tumblr.com/)


	7. Chapter 7

Jack wasn’t sure how to take Sam’s news. It was a bit earth shattering and he started to wonder how to handle it. He was tempted to tell Sam his own secret, but it would implicate him far too much. Truthfully, he was afraid that Sam would realize how much he’s been pining and putting himself into questionable relationships to hide it. He caved recently with the new girl, figuring that if he had someone close to Sam, no matter the gender, he’d fill the void. Now the void is very real and in grasp. 

 

Jack pulls out his phone and hits the Google button. 

 

>How to tell someone you like them?

 

He figured it was easier to ask his phone instead of a friend. He wouldn’t know who to even ask to begin with. He could always shoot Caber a message and see what he says. Caber knows enough to understand the dilemma. Plus, Google wasn’t helpful. It suggested he talk to him and he wasn’t ready for that. 

 

_ >You got a minute dude? _

 

_ >Yea _

 

_ >Actually, can I come over? I can’t do this over text. _

 

Jack tossed his coat on and walked down the hallway, passing Sam’s room. He could see the light peeking out from under the door, so he knew he was still awake. As he was crossing the street to see Caber, he remembers he should have let Sam know he was leaving at least. 

 

He knocked quickly on the door and walked in. As he did he saw Caber rearrange himself and shoo someone tall into his bedroom. 

 

“Generally when people knock, they wait for a response before walking in.” Caber’s hair was sticking up wildly. 

 

“Dude, I know you and Risto are fucking, he can also give some feedback on this bullshit.”

 

Jack watched Caber blush and Risto stepped out of the back bedroom. 

 

“Sam told me he was gay tonight. Did either of you assholes know this and not tell me?”

 

Risto started to back into the bedroom, figuring that he wasn’t in the mood for angry Jack. 

 

“I’ll take that as a yes.”

Caber sighed and figured that if he was going to do this alone, he’d do it big. 

 

“It wasn’t our place to tell you. You could have told him first and saved both of us the fucking headache if we’re being perfectly honest. He’s gone on you.”

 

Jack’s jaw dropped. He wasn’t expecting that response. 

 

“He’s into me?”

 

Risto took that as his cue to chime in finally. 

 

“You’re blind. You’re also hurting him with that girl.”

 

Caber and Risto just nodded when Jack looked at them, stunned that this was actually happening. 

 

“So I should tell him huh?” 

 

The looks on the two’s faces sealed the deal and he just waved and left. As he was leaving, he couldn’t help but yell with some glee. 

 

Jack snuck back across the street into the house. As he walked back to his room, he noticed the sliver of light was still there. He paused for a second and knocked. 

 

“Sammy, please open up. I’m sorry for being an ass earlier.”

 

He heard Sam say it was ok to come in, so he pushed the door open. 

 

“Can we talk? I didn’t mean to brush off what you said earlier. I just didn’t know what to say.”

 

Sam nodded and patted the bed next to him. 

 

“Look, you don’t have to say anything, but I wanted to let you know it’s totally cool. I have no room to judge honestly. I’m sort of pansexual myself.”

 

Sam had a questioning look. 

 

“Pansexual?” 

 

“Yeah dude, like Deadpool. I swing every direction. So it was wrong of me to be an ass earlier.”

 

Sam was stunned. He didn’t expect this and wasn’t sure how to respond. 

 

“Ok, dude, I’m headed to bed. Try and cheer up Sammy.”

 

Jack sauntered off to bed and once he hit the pillow, he passed out. Sam crashed and decided he’d think of what to do in the morning. 

 

***

 

“So, I broke up with her last night? She’s sweet and all, but it wasn’t going to work out.” 

 

Jack figured that was the best thing to lead with at breakfast. Sam choked on his coffee some. 

 

“You sure dude?”

 

Jack grinned.    
  
“I have my eyes on someone else.”

 

Sam groaned. He knew that Jack wasn’t going to stick with anyone for too long. 

 

“I’m serious. How about this? If I tell you a secret, will you go on a date with me?”

 

“What’s your secret?” Sam was shocked he was answering like this. 

 

“Caber and Risto are together.”

 

Jack grinned like the cat that got the canary. 

 

“You said you’d tell me a secret. But yes, I’ll go on a date with you.”

 

Jack leaned over and booped Sam on the nose. He grabbed the last donut and headed to his room. 

 

“Be ready at 6pm” He yelled as he ran away from Sam screeching about the donut.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sorry about the abrupt ending, but I didn't want to drag the angst out too much longer. 
> 
>  
> 
> Come join me on my [ tumblr!](https://scandella.tumblr.com/)

**Author's Note:**

> [ tumblr](https://pandasandsabres.tumblr.com/) [playlist](https://open.spotify.com/user/122048146/playlist/3ZNSTxHFUJ1rHC4S75IX8w)


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